Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Remembering Papa

I must thank Bhaiya and Anjani Bhaiya for their precious reminiscences.I have been caught up in the whirl of events following Appu's departure for Trinity and Munni's for the Sports Meet at Avadi.

I am pleased to know that Papa led such an active life,despite his debilitating hypertension,usually measuring 200/120.That explains his early demise and I am now caught up in the abstruse process of trying to cure him of this disease,even though he has left that body.Since Energy is indestructible,he will surely respond to this overwhelming desire in me.

Apart from this, I must share with you that, once in rare whiles, Papa does communicate with me.I remember his clear exhortation to me, sometime back, to stand by my siblings as I would stand by my children.I found this message as a stark testimony of his eternal presence,and to his unfinished task which he suggested I take on without any fanfare, as a normal fact of life.

I also remember that evening when we had done Grihapravesh of our Nasik house,probably 1999. I was meditating and I got a clear message from Papa that, while the Nasik house was very good, I must not forget Munger.It was soon thereafter that I bought that half an acre land in Mirzapur, without any clear planning, simply on a whim and an impulse. That place, with the swanky temple, clear six feet boundary wall covering even the erstwhile property and rainwater harvesting in the premises, will surely do Papa proud. And this gives me enormous satisfaction.

The moral of the story is that Death is a great illusion. Life is continuous and eternal.Papa lives on, manifesting into physical reality his innermost desires.So we must cherish, and fully live, every moment of this blessed life, dedicating our actions to the greater good of all.

Best regards,



--- On Mon, 9/3/12, ANJANI K SAHAY wrote

Dear Bhaiya,

Sorry I could not respond earlier because on 1st Sept I had a minor

operation - surgical removal of extra flesh on my back.

Yes, it is an interesting point that you have raised. It is true that we

will never know Papa's world view excepting that he wanted the best for his

children - this was also beyond the vision of most of his contemporaries.

However, I do remember a few things.

1. Many years ago I had chanced upon a letter that he had written to Ma,

soon after their marriage. I don't know where that letter might be now. I

distinctly remember Papa writing about the internal beauty that he had seen

/ experienced in Ma and which he liked immensely. His language even then

was absolutely beautiful..

2. It is difficult to talk about his political thoughts. However, what I

remember is that he worked during Nani's elections. Also, he liked to

listen to Atal Behari Vajpayee during his whirlwind tour following Indira

Gandhi during 1967 elections. I think he also had some affinity for

socialists - Lohia and others.

3. He did write occasionally for Indian Nation, which alongwith Searchlight

were the only English dailies published from Bihar. Manjhla Nana would also

express his ideas through print media (read Indian Nation). Manjhla Nana

would wait for the weekend when Papa was in Munger, and then show Papa his

write-up before sending it to press.

4. I also remember Prof. Manoranjan Kasotiyar, HOD (English) who was Papa's

neighbour in Khagaria discussing with him Shakespeare and English poets

like Shelly and Keats.

5. I think Papa was a member of University Syndicate and would often go to

Bhagalpur, the University headquarters, for meetings.

6. He would take active part in the affairs of college - a frequent visitor

to Kuso Babu who was the big boss of Kosi College which was then a private


7. During summer vacation he spent most of the time in Munger correcting

papers as Head Examiner in Economics. Many people would come for 'pairvi'

through Ma. Sometimes I thought Ma also hesitated when talking to Papa on

the subject.




Remembering Papa

For us this day has a special meaning. Papa went when we weren't standing

on our feet,

but Maan made all the sacrifices (as did you all as you were children and

had children's desires).

I still recall that confusing telegram sent by Mummy ("Father expired").

"Whose father?" was my first

worried thought- hers or mine, my grandfather or father. Our dearest Amar,

then only 11, bore the brunt.

By the time I caught the train and reached home, our beloved Papa had been


I have sometimes wondered about papa's world view, if there is such a

thing. This is apart from his desires

for each one of us individually. He was a product of his times, in some

ways conservative and in some ways

progressive. But I guess that's true of most of us. Nevertheless, papa's

overall thinking about life is a question that

has occurred to me. And so has an answer he himself gave. The idea is

nebulous. He didn't expand on it. After

all, I was only 16 or17 when we had this conversation. Shades of it came

through in our occasional talks later

as well.

The memories are not too clear in my mind. But I distinctly recall Papa

using the expression "ajaatshatru"- one who

has no enemies- as some kind of ideal toward which we may aspire. I didn't

at all comprehend the meaning of these things.

But looking back, was he speaking of inner beauty? I shall never know. It

is of course difficult to be without enemies, I

think. I don't mean personal enemies (and that fate many can escape), but

people can be opponents of our thinking or

larger point of view. But if we are possessed of inner beauty, may be the

world will overlook other failings in us.

With my abiding love to you all that will never diminish,